Let the weak say I AM STRONG!

Just a quick post before I retire tonight.

I remembered during our retreat, one of our colleagues reminded us that we should thank God for using us as His vessel for proclaiming His word whatever the outcome our preaching made. So tonight, I recalled the memory and told my prayers of thanksgiving after I gave my talk somewhere in Taguig City. But before I actually thanked God, the first think I uttered was, "God, I'm so tired, I could not even lift myself up." I feel so weak literally, I can feel my knees trembling, my shoulders about to give in. Still I managed to smile and eat with the people. After I bid my goodbye to everybody, one attendee invited me to her nearby house. She gave me uncooked rice and instant juice drink before I left her precious dwelling. My bag was so full and heavy, knowing that I am so tired I could not imagine myself lifting it on my back until I get home! Then on the jeepney I remembered how gracious and lovable God can be. 

When we feel very weak, God has His ways of telling us we are strong because He's there. He reminded me, through my heavy baggage, that I could still lift up my body and even a bag full of blessings because He is the one who gives me strength. <3 

I'm so happy about what happened this evening. Thank You Lord! Thank You for showing me I am strong when I feel I am weak. :) 

I was on duty yesterday when I was asked to accompany someone to BGC for business purposes. While on a taxi I saw what I have been searching for -- the schedule for Walkway: Reflections on the Stations of the Cross.

On my Facebook account I posted yesterday: "The Lord made this day for a purpose." When I came back to the office, one of my seniors told me I had a very emotional post that day. He thought that I went to BGC to apply for another job opportunity. I told him that my post pertains to having my prayer answered by knowing the schedule through my unexpected trip to BGC. And, here it is! On March 30, my colleagues and I have already marked this day for our encounter with this new experience.

Upon seeing the photos in social media before, I was really excited to experience this reflection. Part of my excitement is that it is a modified way of the stations of the cross. Though we respect the traditional way, I consider it as a relevant innovation that could explain and make us feel deeply what this season is all about. I also would want to observe how this was being organized, so that I hope, someday, we could do similar strategies in our youth ministry.

:)

Northdaanghari, Taguig City

I arrived home tonight earlier than usual, like 30 minutes early. haha! This March, I would like to start blogging about my "preaching experiences". I hope I could continually do this. So help me God. :) 

I was scheduled to talk in Northdaanghari, Taguig City tonight. It was a small, well ventilated chapel. I tried to walk on a different route than I did before, just for a change. By the way, it was my second time there. My first preaching experience in that place is nice, The atmosphere is light, just like what happened tonight. What I mean is, there are some places where I preach that I feel lighthearted, while some place feels like unwelcoming. 

The coordinator did not remember (as expected) my name, though she said she remember my face (which I hardly believe, because her reaction is too strange upon seeing me, like she's looking on a new attendee) hehe. I was nervous, but I am happy because I like how the Holy Spirit guided me in doing my outline earlier this day. I started preaching and observing how they will respond to the Gospel and the message I am about to tell them. As expected, it is not as energetic as when we preach about blessings, abundance and prosperity. Just this morning, on my way to Makati with a colleague, we've talked about the different receptions of attendees based on topics. She said that, when the topic is about abundance, the people are rawring for agreement. On the other hand, when the preaching is something about change, something that will surely catch them off guard, something that will make them feel guilty, they are not too interested. Based on my observation a while ago, I would agree that the reception is really different, compared to my last preaching there with a more acceptable topic. But I would say that they were listening.... it's just that they were silent. Maybe because, and I would like to take it that they were reflecting, though like the last verses said in the Gospel, Jesus knows what they have in mind.

When times like this happens, I always remember what one elder preacher once told me... we are used by God to bring His message to the people, but it is God's work to bless them, to make them feel His words and to be inspired by it. Yes, it is God's power that works personally to people. Whoever delivers the message and whatever the message is, only God knows if they were really listening.


So far, the night went well, and I got home feeling satisfied.


 Thank God for His power and glory. Thank God for His wonderful message.

The Common Denominator

While eating in a fast food, one of my colleagues asked me if it happened that I asked God why am I in this kind of vocation. I told her that I do, but when I reflect on it, I always remember how I used to pray for this before, while I was still a student contemplating for my future. I didn't pray of becoming a missionary, because then I didn't know that even Catholics have lay missionaries. But I recalled how I asked God to give me a job where I would travel to different places, how I used to tell Him to give me a job that will not be a hindrance to my attendance in prayer meetings and masses, and how a friend and I used to wish we could go to different churches. All of this, without realizing it before, happened to me right now. That's why, when another colleague asked me if my parents like what I'm doing right now, I told him yes, they like it. Aside from having no choice about my choice, I can feel they see how much I enjoy my life here in this vocation. Anyway, back to the fast food, all four of us were sharing about our "calling" when one of us said, "I know what is common about us." And you know what is it? She said we all started from not having even a simple glimpse or concrete plan for our future.

I agree with her. Most of us would probably tell, "yes, I have plans but I really don't know where I'm going then" or "I don't have a plan when I was still a student." I was more of the latter, and so was my other three colleagues. We can't clearly see where we're going. As the bible says, "God thoughts are not our thoughts." Maybe that time, our minds cannot fathom the thoughts of God, His plan of putting us in this precious vocation. I'm glad that I haven't seen mine. Though some of my experiences are unknowingly leading me to this life, I'm glad that I was surprised by God, and that I was able to accept it wholeheartedly because I don't have any concrete plans that could cause me disappointments. 

As Pope Francis said, it is good to allow ourselves to be surprised by God. His plans are amazing. :)

I want to be what God wants me to be....

Being a full-time missionary is not an easy job. As per our ministry's case, we have to deal with different work from both office and field. In the office we've already been counselors and prayer warriors in the morning, assistant auditors, and secretaries at noon, production assistants and radio announcers at night. In the field we are asked to preach the word of God in different churches, to handle and be responsible for the spiritual growth of the youth, and to visit the sick and pray for the families in every home. During Saturdays we become collectors of people's prayers and offerings. We've even became ecologists and stewards of God's creation for a day. We are one big stressed group, and the only pleasure and "me-time" we have is eating in our favorite fast foods. Though we have a lot to do, I can see that each one of us are enjoying the life God has chosen us to have. Well, is this the life that God wants us to have?

Though I am a missionary, I am still capable of thinking about my calling. Is this where am I called? Is this where God wants me to be? 

A while ago, I was talking with two of my dear colleagues. One of them said she's in the "searching for more stage", while the other one said she's been contented in her present vocation as a missionary. While we were talking, I was with the one who is searching. But in my case, I told them I was at the "brink of giving up". I don't know what I feel, but what's for sure is, it's because of our financial instability. Being a missionary does not mean obtaining golds, it means giving up the gold. Wednesday night, I was really crying hard because my father had to be taken to a hospital because of eye irritation. I don't know what happened yet that night, but I was really scared knowing that he's been suffering from an asthma attack the morning of that same day. What I'm crying about is the money. I am really getting worried how can I help my parents pay if ever something happens. I was so worried that I even came to a point of blaming myself for choosing to be a missionary. Thank God, because my father's eyes are ok now, and he's been in his normal condition after that incident. 

I always prayed to God that I will not complain about the sacrifices of being a missionary especially with money as long as any form of danger and sickness will not come into my family. So I was really upset when that happened. But God has a lot of ways of slapping me with the fact that He can do more of what I could ask of Him. I am really ashamed now as I was writing this, knowing that I am a missionary by vocation, and yet a small happening and I freak out, my faith becomes small. I don't know if my doubt is forgivable, but still I ask God for forgiveness. 

Now, I still don't have money. I still wasn't able to help out my parents totally. But I'm happy, because my family is ok, and God is protecting all of them. And about my decision to give up? Well, just before I go home this evening, I ate with a colleague in a fast food. She is the contented one. She's telling me the story of her family, how financially challenged they are. I never told her about what happened to my father, but it seems she's brought to me for a reason. This girl I'm talking about, is the I told myself that unless she quits, I'll never will. Compared to us, she'd been in a more stressful family life, but then she never lost her faith like her mom. She only told me that whenever she thinks of comparing a missionary life to a fully working life, she's more assured and comfortable with what we are now. And, she shared to me that in her talk this week, she said that sacrifices when following Christ, just like what the apostles did, is always worth it. That we will never regret sacrificing for God's sake. Yes, I agree with her. 

Now, for my previous questions, is this where I am called? Is this where God wants me to be? The answer is simple. When I was still in high school, I keep praying to God that He put me where He wants me to be. When I am in college, I also had the same prayer, and my motto became "I want to be what God wants me to be." After I graduated, I applied and had a job, but still I didn't have the heart to say no when we are called to become a missionary. So the answer? YES. 

----0----

Lord, I want to say sorry for having little faith on You. Please bless me Lord, and help me make my faith grow. Show me and my family's life, that choosing You is never a bad idea. God, I love you  so much, Thanks for everything. Amen.

Worry no more.

I'm having a tough night right now. It's late, and my parents are still out. When I was on my way home a while ago, my sister informed me that my parents are on  their way to the hospital because something happened to my father's eye. I still do not know what exactly happened, and I'm still waiting. Just now, my father texted me that they're going home.... and I felt a bit of relief. I'm still praying for God's guidance as they travel home.

I am a missionary. I am responsible in delivering God's word and its corresponding reflection to extend the hope the Lord has given us to every people who hear. I should be the first one to have strong faith. But I admit that I still have fears. I fear about what might happen to my parents. I fear of losing anyone from my family. I fear that I wasn't capable enough to support their needs. I fear that I might choose to leave this vocation for better opportunities. I fear of losing my faith. 

Just like Pope Francis, I am not good at dealing with pain. I've been through a lot of emotional challenges before, but when it comes to my family, I don't know what to do. These fears I have mentioned are the results of my human and realistic thinking. A while ago, I was exchanging messages with a colleague, and I'm sharing with her the hurt I've been feeling. I was really worried that I would not be able to pay or help my parents pay for whatever hospital bill they are up to. I Am worried for what might happen, and what would these instances would push me to do. Worry ate me up until all I can do is breakdown.

Thank God, I was able to see this photo from the internet. Thank God because He's telling me that He's got this. He's in-charge, He knows what to do. My only question is, why does my father have to suffer? He's a really good man, a man who never gets tired of serving God in his own ways. Why does he have to suffer an asthma attack last morning? Why does he have to feel pain in his eyes this evening? Why Lord? Why my father? Why does it have to be in my family? I remember once, a preacher said that God promised that the blessings of the Lord to the one who serves Him will be extended to his/her family. I have been serving Him with all my heart, but why does these things should happen?

I don't know how to answer myself right now, but I know God have many things to tell me through this situation. But I hope and pray that this would end up soon and good. I pray that my father will be the same, will be ok from head to toe. I pray that all the pain he's feeling right now would be taken away. I declare that my prayers are answered in Jesus' name. And I pray as well, that my faith will be intact whatever happens,

Lord, please protect my family. They are one of the most precious gifts you have entrusted to me. <3

God's LOVE