;)

The easiest gratifying route is always the way away from God. I have proven that myself. Whenever I look back at how I used to tell myself it's easier to sin than to follow Him, I'd simply laugh at myself and silently say, "I'll never be this happy if I chose to continue living the opposite way." 

I have this colleague who is undergoing a somewhat same experience as I had before. She told me that she wants to break free from committing the same sin, but she know in her heart that it is what will make her happy. Whenever she says that, I can't help but tell myself that she's exactly who I am before...torn, broken, and sick. But I know also that like me, she will be able to overcome the excruciating pain she's in right now, if she'll finally choose to hold on to God's promise and to obey His command. I was once this young in love girl who focuses on the wrong but happy part of my life. Now I understand. I can't get out of my sinful life before because I was too attracted to the happiness it brings me, which is, a  very good tactic that the evil ones use to tempt people to sin. For that reason, I can't also get out of the misery I'm in. And just like my dear colleague, I had once told God, "Don't You want me to be happy?" 

I thank God for inspiring me today. I would like to tell a story, a reflection that God has told me just now. This is my original story on how I describe my journey.

My life is a journey. As I was walking with God towards what God wants me to be, my attention was suddenly caught by a very attractive vehicle which offers a ride to happiness, the vehicle's name is sin. It was too enticing, knowing for a fact that walking to happiness (just how God instructed me) would be much slower than riding the vehicle to happiness, so I chased this car and ride on it. I enjoyed the ride so much, that I didn't notice I have already passed the happiness God has promised me. God's promise was only a couple of steps away, but I didn't know and I lost it. Nevertheless, I continued my journey, inside the car, enjoying the luxury it gives me. Meanwhile, I remembered my loved ones so I peered out the window and I saw every special person in my life, struggling to walk, but were one-by-one hit by the car I'm in as soon as the vehicle comes close to them. They did not die, but they're hurt. I know they are all hurt. But the happiness I'm experiencing is way more important to me than them. I know they can help themselves. I know God can help them get through the pain. And besides, they never know it's me inside the vehicle. They will never know I have put them in misery. As I was journeying in the vehicle, I noticed I was alone inside. I became sad. I felt the loneliness inside. In spite of the pleasure I'm experiencing, I know deep in my heart I have something missing. The journey continues, and I noticed that the vehicle is running out of gas. Eventually it became slower, the trip becoming as boring as ever. Then the vehicle eventually lost it's capacity to give the the enjoyment I used to like about it. Another day has passed, and I was left alone in the car, without gas, in the middle of a certain dark, nowhere place. I felt fear creeping in my heart and mind, and all I want is to get out of it. But I lost my way. I don't know where to go, what to do. As I was dealing with the solitude, I heard God's voice and He tells me, "I am giving you the chance to get out of that dark. Listen to Me. Leave that car and go back. Let us walk the path I am giving you and you will see what I promised you, the happiness like never before." Not thinking twice, I got out of the car's door and started the first steps of returning to my old track. But then as I was walking for like three steps already, I can't help but look back on the car. What if someone would pass me and saw the vehicle, and give me some gas to power up this car again? So I returned hoping this would happen. Another painful day in the darkness again has passed. I want to get out of it again, so I stood up and take the steps again. Then I turned back to the car and realized that not everyone is given the chance to have this kind of vehicle, that once I leave it there I may not have it ever again. So I returned and waited, holding on to the dead car of happiness. As the days passed and nothing happens, I asked God. "Don't You want me to be happy? Why don't you just power up this car with Your power just like how you give life to the dead and let me enjoy it again? Please help me get through this." When I woke up, I saw a man walking. I asked him where I could buy some gas for my car. The man told me that I should walk back to the route I've passed to get the gas. That means I'll have to leave my car. He offered to walk with me, but I asked him instead if he can buy it for me. He said, "This is your journey. I can walk you to the gas station but I cannot decide which gas will you need," He's right, so I just thanked him and insisted on staying. Another agonizing night has passed, and I told God again, "Don't You want me to be happy? What should I do?" Then God answered, "If you want to get out of darkness, get up. Walk back to the original path that I told you. I will always be on your side. I promise you it will be worth it." I've thought about what He said, and finally, i have decided to heed. I am hungry. I am lonely. I am not happy anymore, and that's because I'm still holding on the car that cannot function. So I've decided to step out and I saw God, extending His hands, not promising a smooth way but giving me that encouraging look that tells me everything will be ok. I cried. I told him how fearful I am, how ashamed I am that I did left him behind for something more convenient. He just hugged me and held my hand, and we started walking. There are times that I still try to glance on the car, but God always reminds me that if I won't stop looking back, I will never see what lies in front waiting for us. The walk is too long, I didn't know I made it that far. As days passes by, the walk becomes more and more tiresome, each step becomes unbearable. I asked God why don't He make a car for us so that the travelling will be less tiring. He replied, "You've gone too far my child, and I don't want you to miss the chance to see what you missed when you are in that car. Be patient. It will be worth it." After the rest, we continued walking, and as we walk I saw what He's talking about. A friend's birthday celebration, brother's return at home,Sunday mass with my parents, and discovering my unique capabilities. All this I missed during the ride. "But the good news is, you will be able to redeem those moments and do it again. I'm giving you that chance again," God said. As we continue the walk back, God has given me the chance to do all the things that I missed, and I realized that the walk isn't bad at all. But there are still times when I think about my car, and pain crushes me again inside, knowing that I will not have it ever. Suddenly, we passed through a gas station. We rested there and I was tempted to get the gas and return to my car. I did as I've thought and I walked again towards the path to my car while God is asleep (well, I that's what I think). But as I took the steps it becomes heavier, the road more rough than before. I suddenly slipped and scraped my knee as a result. It's harder, I realized, if I continue. Then I've though about my journey with God. The road is not smooth though, but I have God whom I can hold on to. But now I'm alone. So I've finally decided that I will never ever think about that car anymore. I returned to God and when He woke up, we continued walking hand in hand. Finally we reached out destination. God and I stopped in front of a beautiful gate I did not remember passing through before. When God opened the gate, I saw a brand new car, a car that is way more beautiful than what I had before. I cried, knowing that I missed this wonderful car only a few steps away, just because I got tired and impatient of God's promise to me. God spoke and said, "This is the real car to happiness. This is the promise that I have prepared for you. I will be your driver, all you need to do is sit back and relax. I will bring you to the road most of the people miss. I will bring you to the plan I have for you." 

Yes, when we are too focused on the sin that we are enjoying, it becomes too hard for us to go back on the right track. It's too painful to walk back if you're miles and miles away from your destination. Yes, IT'S NOT GOING TO BE EASY. It will be tiresome. It will somewhat look like a burden. It will hurt. It will make us suffer. But God promises one thing. If we try to go back to His plan, IT'S GOING TO BE WORTH IT. We will finally see the right destination He has for us. Finally, after  being lost, we will be able to see what we are looking for.